On certain days I think, is this really my life?! This week (yes, week) has been one of those. If I only had the ability to fast forward over the tough stuff. But then again, I wouldn't be who I am without these 'hiccups'...and I am not giving this dang disability any more credit than that, it's molding me, making me but it is not me and never ever will be.
Two weeks ago I received a phone call from someone who hosts a summer seminary program for 15 students. For the past two summers they have been focusing on the subject of wisdom. This summer the topic is Listening to the Wisdom of the Wise: How God uses suffering to reshape our lives. Okay, I get the suffering part but am I really wise from it all?
On Monday night if these students were in my bathroom when my head caught yet another nasty fall on my bathroom tile, I am not sure they would see a wise person. After feeling the 4 inch goose egg on my forehead and retreating to the kitchen to fill a bag with ice, tears of frustration streamed down my face. I had enough energy to climb into bed and silently weep cries of desperation that this damn disease is invading my life. It's not welcome. I didn't ask for it. Am I wise because of it?
My response to his question if the children would be able to sit at my feet was mixed. It was an honor but I was filled with trepidation as the word wisdom was attached to my suffering. Such pressure.
On Wednesday I met with these students. A couple of times I felt a little lump in my throat as I reflected on my journey so far and how my God loves me and provides for me over and over and over...
In the silence of God, I want to be listening...I often think that's when I hear the most.
That and when I fall on the bathroom tile.
3 comments:
I don't know what to say, but I feel strongly that this post should be acknowledged. I love what you do.
I love you Chaquita. After I read your post I went in and hugged my babies and thanked God for them.
Great blog... and the boots are super super cute!
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