It's been 14 years since I was in the back of my parents blue Pontiac Bonneville staring out the window at the telephone wire that ran parallel to the highway that brought us home from a day of neurological testing at University of Michigan Medical Center.
My heart was so heavy, my eyes dry from the numb feeling that ran from my toes to the top of my head. I didn't want the telephone wire to end. This would mean I had to get out of the car and down a path with what I felt at the time, a journey of hell.
and it was hell. it was awful, my heart so bad. my head so full of questions. my faith consumed with doubt. it hurt to breath. and I was too numb to cry.
14 years later and my parents don't drive a Bonneville anymore. But my path is one toward hope and certainly full of healing. Healing from a heavy heart and a head so confused. My faith is ravaged with God's grace and miracles.
The road has not been easy. there are days that I long for a straight telephone wire to direct my path but to no avail it is often a cloudy sky. I have no bullet points or 1,2,3's that got me here...but one of the many things that has helped me on the way is Delsie.
What a tangible reminder for me of God's unconditional love. She makes me laugh everyday, she keeps me going when I just want to lay there, she makes me feel "normal" in a world where I am not the norm, she is something to hug, she kisses me, she is with me wherever I go, she sheds like there is no tomorrow and she totally hogs the bed.
If you would have told me 14 years ago, that I would get "through" this, I would have laughed in your face with cynicism. But now, I am a believer cuz I look in the face of this dog and I know I will get through this.
"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine"... I love you, D.
1 comment:
great blog hol...nice flow! God sure blessed you with an amazing companion! But he also blessed you with a strong sense of determination and perserverance. That is something that comes directly from his throne of grace, from his outstretched hand, from the outpouring of his boundless love.
And this is where I break out in song.... Singing....
The Love of God
The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell
It goes beyond the highest star
And reaches to the lowest hell
The guilty pair, bowed down with care
God gave His Son to win
His erring child He reconciled
And pardoned from his sin
Could we with ink the ocean fill
And were the skies of parchment made
Were every stalk on earth a quill
And every man a scribe by trade
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry
Nor could the scroll contain the whole
Though stretched from sky to sky
Hallelujah
O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints' and angels' song
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