the slippery slope.

Most of my friends are enduring temper tantrums of their two year olds. I, however, experienced my own as a thirty something year old. No lie. I am not sure it is the baby of the family scenario or the living with the realities of this disability but either way, I freaked out.

I am certain if you live in the city limits, you may have heard a strange wailing or even a sound of a shrill of unrecognizable words about 9:30PM. That was me. Me having a temper tantrum. An “I can’t do this” moment. A pity party. A party of one. (poor Delsie had to be there)

Don’t misunderstand me; I am not proud of this. I would be completely mortified if someone heard me or worse yet, saw me.

But here is the weird thing. God does. But do I REALLY believe that? So much so that I live with confidence that every snort or tear isn’t wasted?

Do I REALLY believe that God is there providing people in that moment to push my wheelchair out of a three foot high snow bank? (you try steering a power chair on sheer ice) Or do I trust that God provided a mini-van (said with swallowing pride) to get to point A to point B with relative ease? And when the ramp doesn’t come down in zero degree weather do I know that God is for me and not against me?

I guess this is what faith is…”being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

Hope. That’s a scary thing for me. Kind of like if you tell people what you wish for on your birthday cake it won’t come true. If I am honest with God about what I long for in my life, won’t I jinx it?

If I am certain that God has my back when things don’t make sense, wouldn’t my life be that much more joyful?

It’s simple really. I am the one that makes it complicated. I am the one on the slippery slope and in a twisted sort of way; enjoying the ride.

It’s a journey. And the ride can be and is painful at times. But during the midst of the tantrums, I have to believe God is for me and not against me.

Even saying good-bye to a gift. A gift of laughter. A gift of hope. A gift of a friendship. A gift in Tj. A gift that reminds me of Hebrews 11:36 “You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.”

So during those tantrums, whether it is a two year old or thirty something…God promises that hope. Hope in Him.