choices

Our lives are full of choices. The decisions I make can effect not only me but those around me. I am keenly aware of these choices as I am reading a book by James McDonald. It has been life changing for me. As I work through discovering who I REALLY am in Christ, I say audio ably "I am choosing to believe that you love me today, God." I don't always feel Him or even trust every moment with Him. As I work through this, a friend commented that he was confident that God would show up in my obedience. Even when it hurts.


The other day I woke up with a dull ache. I was sad and couldn't even explain it. The sun was shining, my bones were thawing out from the nasty winter, trees were budding their leaves, birds were chirping, a roof over my head, food in my belly, a job to pay the bills...but the "ache" was there. "I am choosing to believe that you love me today, God."

and just like my friend said, He showed up.

This was how I found my Orchid after facilities cleaned my office early Wednesday morning:
Thanks, Celia, for allowing God to use you. And I'm not talking about vacuuming.

a moment in time.

Delsie dug a hole to China underneath my sisters tree (sorry, guys) as the rest of the family gathered around their pool. Some of my nephews and nieces braved the frigid temperature despite the difficulty in breathing after they dove in.

Oh, to be young again.

And I have a feeling Alex and Delsie agree with those sentiments as I looked over only to find the two "bonding".

A sweet memory to the end of a beautiful Memorial Day.

S-U-C-C-E-S-S!

Fun at a playground. Scootering around the block. Four square on the neighbors driveway. Drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Talent Show. Watch a movie, "Hotel For Dogs", Lights out at 11:15 PM.
Awake at 7:30AM. Four square again. Walk to Donutville for a donut and chocolate milk. Fun at the playground. Again. Watch a movie. Again.
Ended with Mata's chocolate chip pancakes for lunch.
Another cousin night.
Another success.

anticipation...

Friday night.
It's cousin night.
Aunt Holly can't wait.
My nephews and nieces are a riot.
They are excited to hang with each other.
And I'm thrilled to hang with them.
Friday night.
It's cousin night.

Typically, the sleep over isn't a success without a talent show.
I am positive Danika's song is translated, "Aunt Holly is my favorite aunt!"

a "lifer".

It has been said that friends come and go. I can not remember when Jayne came into my life. Maybe over 15 years ago? But she almost "left" a few months ago. As in left this earth-almost died.
I still am processing this whole thing. Not nearly as much as she is, but none the less...working through the fact that Jayne had a brain bleed on January 31 and spent the entire month of February in the Neuro-Intensive Care Unit in Colorado.
She is the first to admit that she is a miracle. Doctors scratch and shake their heads, "you're an usual case." And we are calling this mystery, God's work.
So when Jeff and Jayne met me at JP's when they were in town for the sons graduation from college the beginning of the month, I wept when we hugged.
My friend has come and gone as she has moved to a different state. But I am so glad she didn't die.
I have a feeling that I am going to be processing this for awhile...but tonight I am going to focus on the fact that she is here. Jayne came in my life and made a huge place in my heart and I am never going to let her go. She's a friend for life.
I love you, Propane.

the 411.

Every month for the last 2 years my friends have gifted me with a therapeutic massage. This has been a HUGE help for me. I carry my stress in my neck and when I fall, that is the area of my body that suffers the most. I am so grateful for this gift...I will never be able to repay my friends who allow me to do this.
Because of the longevity of going to the same masseuse for the past two years, we have developed an awesome friendship. An added bonus. This past Friday I had an appointment- the timing was impeccable as I had fallen in the beginning of the week and as a result could barely move my neck. As she was working on my body and we were talking, she asked me where I hurt. I tried to pawn it off by grumbling and pointing to my neck. "Holly, does it hurt in your stomach or your heart or your throat...where does it hurt?" It was at that point that I realized we were doing a lot more than working the kinks out in my neck. I had to think about where I hurt and then gestured to the area of my heart as the tears began to flow. "Ah, it's your heart that hurts."
It was at that point that God used her in my life to encourage me and help me to work out the kinks not only in my neck, but the knots in my heart. And boy, are they there...
...kind of like this cop that parks in a parking lot near my house to "catch" the person who's not abiding by the speed limit.
My view of God is like this, I am ashamed to admit. He is "looming" at a distance. And I have been "caught". Now I have a choice to welcome the alert or get mad at His authority in my life. Thus, the tears. It's humbling. It's lonely. It's overwhelming. It's downright scary and painfully slow.
But God is gracious. That is what I am choosing to believe today.
And hopefully that driver that got pulled over believes, too.

life with my dog

Delsie sleeps in a toddler bed next to me. For whatever reason, I have been going through a phase of relishing who she has become in my life. This plays out with the number of photos I take of her (I have been called "mom-arrozi") or laugh hysterically when she does something funny or even shed tears when I reflect on the support she gives me in life. Last night was no exception as I tucked her in bed and said our prayers. These can be heard as something like this, "I love you, Delsiemeister. I am so glad you are in my life. (massaging her) Give mommy some lovin'. (she rolls her eyes and licks my face) Aw, thank you tootie. You love your mommy? (no response) Cuz your mommy loves you." At this point she has checked out and I plug in my chair and climb into bed. It's a ritual. And I am sure about now you are reading in disbelief and maybe chuckling while shaking your head. I am okay with that because there are things that happen in my life that cause me to react this way as well...
like the other night...
now that the weather has been nicer, Delsie and I go for a lot of walks. On this particular walk, I heard the engine of a diesel truck over my blaring iPod parked on the opposite side of the road. When Delsie and I were parallel to the truck, a slender gentleman in running shorts and a sweaty t-shirt opened the car door. He was walking towards us and because of Jack Johnson bellowing in my ears, I couldn't make out what he was saying. I stopped and removed my earphones from my ears.
"I'm sorry. I didn't hear you."
He handed me a business card that had a name (apparently his) , address, phone number-cell and home, email and fax number.
"I am not selling anything. I saw you last year and just wanted you to know you're an inspiration."
Even now, as I re-live this encounter, I am shaking my head and chuckling.

He likes to email people so I would be happy to pass on your email address to him if he should stop me again.

...you can stop chuckling now...